


Kingmakers

by Whedonista93



Series: A Bit Macabre [3]
Category: Kingsman (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Addams Family (Movies)
Genre: Crossover, Crossover Pairings, Darcy Lewis is Wednesday Addams, F/M, Lee Unwin Lives, Lee Unwin is Pugsley Addams, Pugsley Addams is Lee Unwin, Wednesday Addams is Darcy Lewis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-26 16:20:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21376987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whedonista93/pseuds/Whedonista93
Summary: Aunt Wednesday is Eggsy's favorite person.
Relationships: Dean Baker/Michelle Unwin, Gomez Addams/Morticia Addams, James "Bucky" Barnes/Darcy Lewis, Lee Unwin/Michelle Unwin, Pugsley Addams/Michelle Unwin, Wednesday Addams/James "Bucky" Barnes
Series: A Bit Macabre [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1409362
Comments: 152
Kudos: 1025





	1. Wednesday

**Author's Note:**

> Title from The Addams Family tv show - 1x06 “We Addams’ prefer to think of ourselves as kingmakers.” - Gomez Addams
> 
> Kudos to the world's best beta! aggiepuff

Eggsy’s birthday is his favorite day of the year. The presents are great, but it’s his favorite because his aunt always visits on his birthday. His third birthday is the first one he remembers, but he knows his aunt never misses his birthday - she was at the hospital within hours of his birth, and visited on his first and second - his da showed him pictures - and she sends him letters all the time.

Aunt Wen (mum always gives him a weird look when he calls her that, but he gives her the same look when she calls her Auntie Darcy) is Eggsy’s favorite person.

More often than not, he knows the gifts she brings on his birthdays terrify his mum.

His first birthday is a bit macabre, but not completely terrifying. She brings him a little rocking toy, shaped like a vampire bat with its mouth open in a screech, fangs on full display.

His second birthday is, again, macabre, but alright… at least it seems alright at first. A mini guillotine with a rather large box of wooden dolls to behead. Mum thinks it’s simply a tasteless toy until she almost takes her finger clean off trying to move it out of the living room to vacuum. She flies into a bit of a rage and smashes the whole thing to kindling, then gets into a massive row over it with Da when he comes home that night.

His third birthday, Aunt Wen whisks him away to a shop all the way over on Savile Row. He comes home in a smart little suit and two more tiny little garment bags slung over his aunt’s shoulders. Michelle shudders to think what they must have cost and resolutely doesn’t ask.

On his fourth birthday, Da is away at work, but Aunt Wen comes anyway. She brings him all kinds of plants in little pots and pulls him into her lap, explaining carefully how to care for each one, how they thrive in the dark, and how he must be very careful to keep them away from his mum - how they could hurt mum, ‘cause she’s not like them. She also brings him a little wooden chest full of knives. They make sure mum doesn’t see that.

* * *

On his fifth birthday, he forgets to close the door all the way and mum walks in while he’s playing with one of his nightshade plants. He feels bad when she screams and faints.

Da comes running around the corner and takes the scene in, then sighs. “Put your plants away.”

Eggsy nods and tucks his plants and knives back into the depths of his closet then goes to lean over Mum just as she comes to.

She shoots up so fast they almost bonk heads. “Oh, Eggsy! Your hand!”

He ducks his head and wipes his palms against his jeans before holding both hands up. “Sorry, mum, didn’t mean to scare you. I’m okay.”

Mum looks confused. “But… the knife… I-”

Eggsy grins proudly. “Stopped bleedin’ right off.”

Mum reaches for him, but Da yanks him back. “Go wash your hands, son. Remember what I told you?”

Eggsy focuses on his feet. “Can’t touch mama after playin’ with nightshade ‘til after I wash my hands.”

“Precisely. Off to the sink you go.”

He bolts down the hall and hears the smack of Mum’s little first landing a blow on Da’s shoulder. “Nightshade?!”

Da sets them both down in the living room. “Michelle… there’s some things I need to explain. Eggsy already knows a good bit of it, and… well, I should’ve told you a long time ago.”

“Get on with it!” Michelle snaps.

Eggsy crawls across the couch and scrambles into Mum’s lap.

He feels her take a deep breath and squeeze him close.

She gets stiffer and stiffer as Da talks - about his family and upbringing, about the darker corners of the world that run through his veins - and through Eggsy’s. Eggsy can practically feel the fear and rage rolling off her when she sends him to his room. Then there’s a lot of yelling, then silence. Finally, a knock at the door brings him out of his room. He creeps down the hall silently.

“Should I be scared of you?” Mum asks Aunt Wen, all quiet like.

“You’re family,” Darcy answers.

Eggsy doesn’t think Mum gets it. He decides he’s been quiet long enough and darts past Mum’s legs. “Aunt Wen!”

Aunt Wen smiles and catches him up easily.

“Oh, Eggsy, don’t,” Mum chides. “You’re much too big for that, luv.”

Aunt Wen shakes her head. “I don’t mind.”

Eggsy wraps his arms around Aunt Wen’s neck. “What’d you bring me?”

“Is that all I’m good for?”

Eggsy scowls.

Auntie laughs. “Very well. Down you go.”

He slides down to his feet.

She picks up a heavy looking wooden chest from the ground and strides into the living room, past Lee slumped in his armchair, Eggsy hot on her heels, to set the chest on the coffee table and solemnly pulls an old skeleton key from her pocket to hand to him.

He grabs it excitedly and opens the chest, then looks up in confusion. “Books?”

She sits on the couch and pulls Eggsy down next to her. “I want you to remember what I am about to tell you, Eggsy. Are you listening?”

Eggsy nods.

“Your mind is your greatest tool. Knives, axes, poisons, guns, fire, they all serve a purpose, but you won’t always have those. Knowledge is power. So you read. Do you understand?”

“I understand, Auntie.”

* * *

Da’s deployed his sixth birthday. He’s almost glad. Mum and Da have happy moments, but they’ve fought a lot more since his last birthday. Aunt Wen bring him another chest. This one is full of corked vials and dried out herbs. He recognizes a lot of them from the books she gave him last year. She takes him and Mum both to dinner and politely picks at the cake Mum offers her back at their flat after.

He tries to stifle his yawn, but Mum and Auntie both catch it.

Mum smiles. “Alright, luv, off to bed.”

“But, Mum-”

“No back talk.”

He sighs. “Can Aunt Wen tuck me in?”

Mum looks over at Aunt Wen, who nods. “Alright.”

Aunt Wen sings him a lullaby that somehow makes the room feel darker and Eggsy drops right off.

Michelle’s sitting at the kitchen table with a bottle of scotch and two glasses when she comes back out. Wednesday silently takes a seat and one of the glasses.

“That lullaby is like to give me nightmares,” Michelle mutters before downing the remainder of the liquid in her glass.

Wednesday silently sips at her own glass.

Michelle refills her glass, downs it, and refills it again before she finally looks at Wednesday. “He ain’t ever gonna be normal, is he?”

“No.”

“I don’t know what to do with a child like the lot o’ you,” Michelle admits quietly. 

“You let us help,” Wednesday tells her, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

Two months later a man in a suit that reminds Michelle, bizarrely, of the ones Wednesday got Eggsy when he was three, tells her Lee is dead. She calls Wednesday, because she doesn’t know what else to do.

* * *

After Lee’s death, Wednesday’s visits come more often, but less predictable. Eggsy even get a few normal gifts alongside the darker, Addams-like gifts she brings and sends. On his seventh birthday, she sends him an Iron Man action figure and a hand knit blanket - of course, the blanket is knit in all blacks and grays in a pattern of webs and spiders, but it’s still one of the most normal things she’s ever given the boy. There’s also more books and vials.

When Eggsy is eight, Michelle gets curious enough to start browsing Eggsy’s bookshelf. She’s still terrified of Wednesday and the gifts she sends, but she’s also fairly certain - though she’s never been able to prove it - that her sister-in-law is the only reason they haven’t been evicted from their flat. She’s gone back to bartending after Lee died - a posher joint than the little dive where she met Lee, but it’s barely enough to cover everything some months. Besides, Eggsy adores his aunt. She’s surprised at the contents of the shelves - sure there’s the expected dreary and dark bits the likes of poisons and diseases and potions, quite a few titles not in English, but there’s also poetry and Shakespeare and Frankenstein, all old and dusty and leather bound.


	2. Dean

When Eggsy is ten, Michelle meets Dean. When he’s eleven, Dean moves in. Wednesday shows up two months later, within seconds of Dean striking her for the first time. She’s never been so grateful to see her sister-in-law in her life.

Wednesday’s eyes narrow at the red across Michelle’s cheek. She tilts her head in silent question. Michelle nods, almost imperceptibly. Wednesday’s jaw tightens, but she just nods back.

“Oi!” Dean calls. “Who’s at the door?”

Michelle forces a smile. “Just my sister, luv. Come to visit Eggsy.”

“Ya ain’t got a sister,” Dean argues, coming into the hallway and into Wednesday’s line of sight.

Michelle shrugs. “Sister-in-law. Same difference, ain’t it? Darcy, this is Dean. Dean, meet Darcy.”

Dean grunts an acknowledgment and comes up right behind her, scrutinizing Wednesday over the top of her head. “Runt’s at school. Welcome to come back later.”

Michelle steps away from him and toward Wednesday and gives Dean a hard look. “Don’t be rude. This is  _ my _ home and she is welcome whenever she wishes to be.”

Dean rolls his eyes. “I see how it is. Rich sis comes into town and you’re too posh to respect your man.”

Wednesday’s face twitches, almost imperceptibly. “You are drunk.”

Dean shrugs. “So what if I am?”

She deliberately angles herself toward Michelle. “I don’t suppose you could be convinced to check Eggsy out early? I’m afraid I’m only in town for a few days this time around.”

“Of course!” Michelle agrees immediately. 

Wednesday smiles. “I’ll just stay and chat with Dean here.”

The way Dean leers at her tells both women exactly what he thinks she means by that. Both women suppress shudders.

Michelle nods along. “Right, long flight and all. Rest up, we’ll be back before you know it.”

* * *

The apartment is silent when Michelle returns with Eggsy. She keeps a firm grip on her son’s shoulder so he can’t bolt into the apartment.

“Wednesday?” She calls.

“Kitchen!” The other woman responds.

Wednesday sounds normal enough, so Michelle releases Eggsy’s shoulder and the boy tears into the kitchen. “Aunt Wen!”

Michelle follows more slowly. She meets Wednesday’s eyes and cocks her head to the side. Wednesday, over Eggsy’s head, shakes her head, just once. Michelle almost passes out from the relief that overtakes her. It’s hours later, after Eggsy’s finally settled into bed, that she finally builds up the nerve to ask.

“Dean, then…” She trails off, not even entirely sure what or how to ask. “He won’t…”

“He’s not coming back,” Wednesday promises, softer than Michelle has ever heard her.

Michelle nods, knows better to ask anything else. “He seemed so nice, at first, ya know? Sure, a bit rough ‘round the edges, but so was Lee. I see the difference, now. I miss him. We were havin’ a bit of a rough time of it when he deployed last, but I still loved him… just, I needed time to adjust. The family secret was a bit much. I could kill ‘im for dyin’ on me, ya know?”

Wednesday nods solemnly. “So could I.”


	3. Black Prince

Eggsy and his mates start hanging around the Black Prince when they’re about sixteen. Brandy and the like have been a regular part of his diet since he was ‘bout five, but watchin’ his mates get sloshed for the first time is a laugh and half. He only has a vague notion that Rotty and the gang used to run with Dean. But apparently they were tight enough to still be sore over it. There’s a picture of Dean over the bar - a memorium of sorts, that Eggsy doesn’t notice ‘til they’ve been somewhat regulars at the place for a couple months. He notices it out of the corner of his eye when he goes up for another round and hoists himself half up on the bar to get a better look. He’s just buzzed enough not to filter his thoughts. “Huh. Think me mum used to date that prick.”

One of the gang of goons smacks him upside the back of the head and yanks him down off the bar. “Oi! Have some respect for the dead.”

Eggsy grins. “Never much been one to respect them as doesn’t deserve it.”

“Why, you little-”

Eggsy ducks the swing the bloke throws. “‘Sides, it ain’t like they ever found his body. Maybe he just got sick o’ your ugly mugs.”

The fight they get into would’ve been a blast if there weren’t so many witnesses. As is, he gets pinched and he’s too embarrassed to call his aunt or his mum. It may be petty, but he uses the damn medallion. If his aunt’s stories are anything to go by, he’s pretty sure his grandad might protest the whole  _ oxfords, not brogues _ bit.


	4. Kingsman

_ I’ve been to this shop_, Eggsy realizes when he walks into Kingsman to meet Harry. It’s the same one Aunt Wen brought him to when he was just a tyke. ‘Course he doesn’t mention that. The training is the most fun he thinks he’s ever had.

He thinks about writing his mum’s name on the bag for about half a second before writing _ Darcy Lewis _ instead. He grins cheekily at the look Merlin shoots him - he ain’t stupid, he knows exactly what his aunt’s alter ego does, who she works with. It won’t take much for someone with Merlin’s resources to show he ain’t lyin’.

Their bunk room fills with water and everyone runs for the loo. He briefly entertains the idea of drowning - it’d be easier and so much more painful - before deciding to keep up appearances. He tries the door, then remembers the off reflection off the tinted window he’d noticed earlier; one way glass. He notices the dark haired gal on his way back to it, even through the water catches the scent of poison, a temporary paralytic, and disregards the idea of ‘saving’ her, decides to let the bastards have their games, and goes to bust the glass.

He plays off to Roxy like he thinks it’s a bulldog when he picks J.B. He was lying through his teeth. His aunt had told him his da’s real name, and there’s _ just _ enough twisted sentimentality in him to go for the damn pug.

He wonders, later, how long it would have taken him to heal from hitting the ground without a parachute. The not knowing that lasts the whole free fall is fucking exhilirating, though.

He smells the drugs in the champagne before the flute’s even in his hand. He wants to swish it around his mouth and grin, dark and sharp, at the bloke behind the bar. But he’s still keeping up appearances, and he’s not sure if this is another test or an actual attack. He doesn’t give two shits what anyone wants to do to Charlie, but he’s grown pretty fucking fond of Roxy and can’t very well protect her if he doesn’t play along, so he suppresses just enough of his nature to play at passing out. The train coming at him is damn near as exhilarating as the free fall was. He and Roxy both wanna laugh their asses off when Charlie cracks, but restrain themselves to snickers behind their hands.

Arthur hands him the gun and tells him to shoot the dog. His aunt’s man guaran-fucking-teed he knew the weight difference between a gun loaded with live rounds the weight of one loaded with blanks. He pulls the trigger, then turns the gun on Chester Fucking King and leans forward, puts the barrel right up against the old prick’s chest. “Didya know that even blanks’ll kill a man at this range?”

Fear flashes through the old man’s eyes before he covers it with a sneer.

Eggsy tosses the gun aside and picks J.B. up. “Sick fuck.” He leaves without another word, finds Roxy a shaking mess in their dorm. He drops to his knees in front of her. “Awh, fuck, Rox… you didn’t know they was fuckin’ blanks, didya?”

She punches him, then cries into his shoulder.


	5. Consequences

Walking back into Kingsman after the whole mess with Valentine, Eggsy runs full tilt into Merlin’s back when the older man freezes in the door of the conference room.

“The fuck?” Eggsy protests.

Merlin doesn’t move. “Would someone have an explanation for why the bloody Winter Soldier is in my building?”

The realization that his birthday passed, without his aunt, crashed over Eggsy. “Oh, fuck.” He steps around Merlin and Bucky smirks at him. “How much trouble ‘m I in?”

Bucky’s smirk spreads. “Remember that time you set her favorite wolfsbane plant on fire?”

Eggsy flinches. “More or less than that?”

“More,” Wednesday’s voice comes from over his shoulder.

He leaps a near half foot in the air. “Shit, auntie!” When he turns, his aunt is leaning against the wall, arms crossed and blood red nails tapping impatiently. She’s in gleaming pumps, fishnets, a pencil skirt, and a lace sleeved corset top, all black, her dark hair in loose braid over her shoulder - he honestly can’t tell who she’s supposed to be right now.

Merlin looks back and forth between them. “Lad, did ye just call _ Darcy Lewis _ aunt?”

Eggsy groans. “Why, in the name of… the fuck do you know auntie for?”

Merlin gives him the stink eye. “The lass is intimately familiar with the Avengers, of course I know who she is. The question is how _ she _ knows who _ we _ are. I thought ye were yanking my chain when ye put her name on that bloody body bag.”

“Nah, mate.” Eggsy rolls his eyes. “Auntie knows all, Merlin. Wait, how did ya - fuck, Gazelle, wasn’t it?”

Wednesday inclines her head. “She said your little poison was the best rush she’s gotten in years. Wants to know where you got it.”

Merlin spins on Eggsy. “Laddie, I watched you kill that bitch.”

Eggsy flinches. “Apparently, she’s a cousin.”

“So ye didn’t kill her?”

Eggsy shrugs. “I meant to. Didn’t realize she was a cousin.”

“What does her bein’ your cousin have to do with her not bein’ dead?”

“That toxin of yours is lovely,” Wednesday says, moving to stand behind Bucky.

Eggsy grimaces. As if walking into Kingsman HQ wasn’t enough… anyone the bloody Winter Soldier trusts enough to let stand behind him, well, his aunt always has been good at power plays. “Isn’t much more than a bit of a high for someone with our family genetics, though. I mean, bloody hell, we take arsenic in our tea, mate.”

Wednesday nods. “Precisely.”

“Ye ‘ave been in my medical bay, lad,” Merlin says slowly.

“Yeah,” Eggsy confirms, “but it sure as hell weren’t my blood you got.”

“Eggsy, honestly,” Wednesday narrows her eyes, “I know I taught you to speak properly.”

Eggsy winces. “Sorry, auntie.”

“We gettin’ to the point any time today, путеводная звезда?” Bucky drawls.

Wednesday reaches down to squeeze his shoulder. “_Pardonnez-moi, mon cœur_. I know you don’t like Europe.” She faces Eggsy. “It’s time to come home, nephew.”

Eggsy freezes. “You mean… _ home_, home?”

Wednesday nods.

Eggsy gulps. “Mum?”

“We’ll pick her up on the way to the airport. I imagine she’ll have quite a few things to say to your father.”

Eggsy collapses into the nearest chair.

Merlin actually gapes. “I watched Lee Unwin die.”

Wednesday’s severe expression softens. “He knew he would survive the blast. We grew up playing with dynamite. He invented a new form of nitro when he was ten. If you think that happened without some trial and error… well.”

Eggsy blinks at her. “Da’s alive?”

Wednesday winces. “Yes. Michelle wasn’t handling the truth well at the time. He wanted to give her a chance at normal. I don’t approve of his methods-”

“She stuck a knife in his shoulder when she took me home,” Bucky interjects.

“But I understand his logic,” Wednesday finishes.

Eggsy bangs his head on the conference table. “Fuck me, but so do I.” He looks up at his aunt again. “I ain’t ready to give up this gig.”

“I’m not asking you to. Darling, you’re a _ spy_. You’ll be the gem of the family.”

Bucky grins. “Just come home for a bit. Meet the Addams clan. Watch your mom verbally filet your dad. Watch your aunt stab him a few times. Maybe get a few jabs in yourself. Then back to one big kooky, happy family."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> путеводная звезда - lodestar
> 
> Pardonnez-moi, mon cœur - Forgive me, my heart.


	6. Home

Eggsy stretches until his back cracks once they get off the plane. He looks at Bucky. “How’d she swing a private plane?”

Bucky snorts.

“The fuck’s so funny?” Eggsy demands.

Bucky grins. “Kid, you really don’t have a clue, do you?”

Eggsy shrugs. “Guess not, mate.”

Bucky sighs. “Look, kid, I’ll be straight with you, ‘cause much as I love ‘em, your family is a bit odd. We’ll start with the plane. This one is Stark’s, ‘cause your aunt grins at him and simpers at Potts and gets whatever the hell she wants. She could’ve bat her eyelashes at Merlin and used Kingsman’s damn jet if she felt like it. That aside, The Addams clans owns at least two airlines that I know of.”

“You’re having a go at me, ain’t ya?”

Bucky shakes his head. “Your family is _ disgustingly _ rich, kid. Wednesday took over the family finances when she was fifteen. Gives your grandpa a million dollar allowance. A month.”

Michelle gapes. “That _ bitch_!”

Eggsy starts. “Mum?”

Michelle ignores him and spins toward Wednesday stepping off the plane. “I _ knew _ you were paying my bloody rent! You could’ve fuckin’ told me!”

Wednesday rolls her eyes. “And then I would have had to listen to you whining because of wounded pride.”

“And what, all of a sudden you don’t care if I know?”

“We both have more important matters to deal with.”

“Yeah,” Eggsy flings his arm around his mom’s shoulders, “like finally meetin’ the in-laws.”

Bucky snickers. “And the fact that I don’t think Wen told ‘em she was bringin’ ya.”

Eggsy rolls his eyes. “Went for the surprise element, huh?”

Wednesday shrugs elegantly. “There’s Lurch with the car.”

Michelle turns and looks up, and then up and _ up_. “Shit.”

“You called,” the giant rumbles.

“Hello, Lurch,” Wednesday greets.

“Guests?”

Bucky grins. “Lurch, meet Michelle and Eggsy, Pugsley’s wife and son.”

Lurch looks at both of them, looks at Wednesday, shakes his head, groans, and wordlessly goes for everyone’s bags.

Wednesday tilts her head, staring at his back fondly. “He’s always so eloquent.”

Michelle curses and runs for the car when it starts raining.

The closer they get to the Addams’ manor, the more intense the storm gets.

Wednesday sighs happily. “So nice and gloomy.”

Bucky wraps an arm around her shoulders and tugs her into his side. “Happy?”

Wednesday hums noncommittally. “We’ll see.”

Michelle gapes out the window. “_This _ is your house?”

“Nah,” Bucky drawls. “This is the family house. Me and Wednesday live across the lagoon.”

“You’re welcome to stay in either place,” Wednesday offers. “But it’s only fair to let you meet everyone before you make your decision.”

Wednesday steps out into the rain when Lurch opens the door, Bucky a shadow in her wake.

Eggsy shrugs and follows, dragging Michelle with him. He comes to a halt on the porch. “Uh, before we go in…”

“What?” Michelle snaps, looking longingly into the dry house.

“This was Auntie Wen’s idea, not mine.”

Michelle rolls her eyes and follows Wednesday and Bucky into the house, then freezes between the entry and the living room. “Lee?”

Pugsley winces. “Hello, love.”

Michelle sees red, and the next thing she’s aware of, her hand is stinging and Pugsley has a red mark across his cheek. Before she’s fully processed anything, she’s screaming. “You absolute wanker! What the fuck is wrong with you?! Complete bastard! I put up with a lot from you but I never would have expected you to abandon your family! Bloody shiftless arse! I can’t - I don’t - urgh! I can’t even fucking look at you!” She spins toward Wednesday and points. “And _ you_! All these years, you fucking knew!”

Wednesday almost looks sorry. “I never agreed, but it’s his life, not mine.”

Michelle huffs. “Where can I storm off to?”

Wednesday gestures toward the conservatory. “Steer clear of the African strangler. Come back when you’re collected enough to meet everyone.”

Michelle stomps off.

Wednesday tilts her head, amused. “Well, I expected far worse than that.”

“Wednesday, darling!” Morticia exclaims, coming in from the kitchen. “Buchannan, dear! You’re home! Oh, and you brought a guest, how lovely! Pugsley, dear, what happened to your face?”

Puglesy looks beseechingly at Wednesday.

Wednesday shakes her head. “Clean up your own mess.”

Pugsley shuffles his feet then squares his shoulder. “My wife slapped me.”

Morticia crosses her arms over her chest. “Your _ what_?”

Pugsley blows out a harsh breath. “My wife. Ya know… if she doesn’t want a divorce after all the shit I’ve put her through.”

“Langua- wait, wife, you _ did _ say wife, I- _ Gomez_!”

Gomez comes tearing down the stairs. “_Cara mia_!”

Morticia smiles. “_Bubala_.”

“Oh, Tish.” He grabs her hand and starts kissing up her arm.

“Gomez, we have guests!”

Gomez glances up and sees Wednesday and Bucky. “_Cara mia_, our children don’t count as guests.”

Morticia tugs her arm away gently. “Gomez.”

Gomez groans, but lets her extricate herself. “Our son has just informed me he has a _ wife_.”

“Pugsley, lad!” Gomez exclaims. “Good for you!” 

“Tell them the rest, Pugsley,” Wednesday interjects coolly.

Pugsley stares at his feet.

“He left us,” Eggsy says quietly.

Morticia’s eyes go wide. “He _ what_?!” At the same moment, Gomez’ eyes jerk to Eggsy. “_U__s_?!”

Eggsy sighs. “Sounds worse than it was.”

“That’s a matter of opinion,” Michelle re-enters the room, tone cold.

“Mum,” Eggsy shakes his head and goes to Michelle, takes her hands. “I was just a kid, but I remember, Mum… you didn’t exactly take it well when you realized how different we were.”

“It ain’t like he gave me much chance to adjust!” Michelle protests. She pulls her hands from Eggsy and storms back up to Pugsely, poking him in the chest. “You tell me the truth and then you bloody well leave, then you come back, stay a couple weeks, then leave again and some posh bloke in a suit comes and tells me you’re dead! Bloody hell, Lee, I didn’t… you didn’t give me any time, love.”

Pugsley reaches up and catches her hands against his chest. “I know. Wednesday’s been telling me since I left how wrong I was.”

Michelle squeezes her eyes shut. “Wednesday… You didn’t _ think_, Lee. Do you have any idea how hard things were after… bloody hell. I still loved you, I just needed time. If it hadn’t been for Wednesday… did she ever tell you about Dean?” She turns her head over her shoulder to glance at Wednesday. Wednesday shakes her head. “The first man I got involved with after you, he hit me. Pure luck Wednesday showed up the same day.”

Pugsley’s expression hardens and he reaches up to brush Michelle’s hair out of her face, brushing his fingers down her cheek as if he can still see a bruise several years gone. “I’ll kill him.”

Wednesday snorts. “You say that as if you think I’d leave enough for you to even try.”

Pugsley nods to his sister. “Thank you.” He looks down at Michelle. “I know I have a lot to make up for, just… give me a chance?”

“You’re sleepin’ on the couch for the foreseeable future.”

“Wouldn’t expect anything else.”

Michelle lets her head fall to his chest. “I missed you, you fucking arse.”

Pugsley chuckles and wraps his arms around her tightly. “I missed you too.”

“Puglesy,” Morticia’s voice rings dangerously.

Pugsley takes another deep breath. “Right. Uh, Mother, Father, this is my wife, Michelle, and our son Eggsy.”

Gomez perks up and spins toward Eggsy, a mad glint in his eye. “Son?”

Morticia clasps her hands over her heart. “Oh, Gomez, we have a _ grandson_!” She turns toward Wednesday and Bucky. “I don’t suppose I could hope for a granddaughter to join the family any time soon?”

“_Mother_!”


End file.
